So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
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And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
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I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
How naked do you want me to be?
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