I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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