we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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