Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
