Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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