Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
