all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
