I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.