Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
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Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I love you. Go after that dick
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.