Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.