i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
