I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
