He asked me if I "almost moaned"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
