This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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