dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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