I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
