I think im going to throw up on grandma
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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