no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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