there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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