I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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