Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
