tell your sister to shave her snatch
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize