So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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