Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
