Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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