Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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