would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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