Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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