The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
