Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
