Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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