i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
