There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
