yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
