i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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