thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
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You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize