I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize