i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
