they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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