Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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