i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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