I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
