; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
