I got chris browned last night
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
