she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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