Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
