You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
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