I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize