What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
false alarm. still invincible.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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