he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
