It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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