I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
