So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
we're making bets on your personal life
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
