my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
