im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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