hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
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