well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
