I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
