Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
