I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
