My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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