she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
don't judge my taste in strippers
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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